From Rachel Kramer, PhD
Coping with change can evoke a whole range of feelings from anxiety and helplessness to anticipation and curiosity. In the midst of this time of uncertainty and change, my thoughts keep returning to the concept of breaking down situations into the parts that we can control and the parts that are out of our control. For parents of children of all ages, the present moment might be a logical time to spend some time thinking about the values that are most important to your family. Being intentional about the values that you highlight in your family is a way that parents can find some control during this time when many things may feel out of your control.
Some families like to frame this conversation in terms of creating a family mission statement or family philosophy, while others prefer to highlight individual values that they want to bring into the spotlight of their children’s attention. Simply said, there are many ways to convey your belief system to your children and families will vary in how they approach this task.
- How does our family communicate about the things that are important to us?
- How do I model our family’s values both in the ways that I behave and in the ways that I talk about and process situations with my children?
- What values are my children learning through exposure to screens and social media?
- How can I process what my children see on screens so that they make sense of the world in a way that is consistent with our family’s beliefs?
- What values were taught or modeled for me in my childhood? Were my caregivers intentional about discussing values or was this more automatic and unspoken for them?
If you are parenting with a partner, it is also recommended to think about:
- How is my family philosophy similar to that of my partner? How do we differ?
- How can we work towards agreement or respect our differences – and how should we model or communicate this to our children?
Simply by using words that define important family beliefs, you give your children information about your family’s priorities, whether talking about your lives or discussing characters from books or media.
Having a clear sense of your family vision or mission can be particularly helpful when you talk with your children about events that are happening in the world. Whether you are discussing a bully on the playground or the behavior of public figures, you can frame these conversations through the lens of kindness, honesty, self-respect, or whatever values are of primary importance to you and your family.
If you would like to connect with Dr. Kramer directly,
Website: www.drrachelkramer.com
